Is it me?

One of the reasons that I started blogging was because I couldn't find much that felt relevent to me. A lot of parenting blogs are written by/for new, young mothers of young children, or single mothers; of which I am neither. Many of the others seem to focus on make up, skincare and clothes. Now I will admit a passing interest in such matters, but not much more than that. Mr Hairy works for a cosmetics company and so I get much of my products through him at heavily discounted prices and as far as clothes are concerned, I look at my diary each morning and decide on which level of jeans to wear that day. Cheap Primark or lovely Levis.

So what does occupy my waking thoughts? Well as already noted, the kids and the whole 'Am I doing the right thing? Being a good parent?' question. I spend a lot of time thinking about that. I went with Mr Hairy and a couple of friends to a parenting workshop last week called 'Communicating with your young person.' It was reassuring to know that even with her professional experience and knowhow, that she experienced the same issues with her teenage sons as the rest of us do. We covered things like understanding that they can't think like adults and there is no point in trying to achieve that. The frontal brain (the reasoning bit) doesn't actually fully develop until they are in their 20s. She suggests things like acknowledging what they are saying, so they know you are listening, but sticking to your guns. She also said that they only listen to the first 10 words your say, so anything after that is wasted. Good to know....saves energy.

I think about work quite a lot. I am VERY much of perfectionist and worry that a job isn 't quite how I want it. My clients are always as happy as Larry (whoever Larry is...), but I probably spend a disporportionate amount of time stressing about details that wouldn't even register on most people's scale. I have been really busy of late and so feel quite pressured, I hate not getting back to people in a timely way so end up working late when I am tired to meet those self imposed deadlines...sound familiar?

Trying to work out when I can exercise is always a challenge, in fact, trying to work out when I do anything for me is quite testing. Balancing work and family with what I want to do seems to be a constantly moving beast and I sometimes wish that I could find a long term solution. But I guess there isn't really one, as things are always going to be on the move with two kids and a husband. I am going off on a 50th Birthday trip on my own at the end of February, I don't do that very often so that will be an eye-opener for all parties. Mr Hairy used to spend lots of time away, (not so much recently), I will report back on how that goes.

On Sunday, the teen has an audition with a casting agency. She wants to be an actress and has been wanting an agent for some time. I am not convinced she has chosen the right song to sing, it is quite high and her voice isn't. She can't find a backing track in a key that will work for her so she is thinking she will sing unaccompanied. I think this is a HUGE risk, but she won't listen to me. Part of me wants to try and make her sing something else, but I know deep down that I need to let her make her own mistakes, otherwise she will never learn from them. I find this one of the hardest things about being a parent.

OK, well that will do for now, it occured to me that you still don't know too much about me, so I thought I would try to some myself up by the ultimate girlie medium of shoes. This the last 3 pairs of shoes I have purchased, and sum me up pretty well...

Til next time.
Sarah x

All over for another year....

We seem to spend so much time looking forward to Christmas and then, before you know it, it's all over. Whether we are working, entertaining or just slobbing, it seems to be all over in a tinsel coated flash. I wasn't feeling that Christmassy on the run up to be honest. Perhaps it was the mild weather, or the ungrateful rugrats (I had a MAJOR meltdown on Christmas Eve and went mental at the kids for being so ungrateful, it is a bugbear of mine...). This is very uncharacteristic, but screaming like a banshee for half an hour did work and once everyone had calmed down and realigned, generally they where pretty amenable over the festive period.

However, we are now back at school and work and like many, I want to start the new year in the style in which I wish to continue, and that means less screen time for the kids...Is anyone else sick of hearing 'ALL my friends are allowed to do ...xyz.'? My mother would have said, "If your friends go and stick their head in a gas oven, will you do the same?" I always thought this was a strange analogy and have never quite understood the logic, but I get the general sentiment, however I think it has become a more difficult argument.

In the 'Old Days' we didn't really have any idea what our friends got up to once they were at home. We only had their word for it and that wasn't really very reliable, as we know teens can be selective with the truth at the best of times. But now we have social media...people can see what everyone else is up to all the time. Worse than that, they get to see only the best bits of what people get up to so there is a tendency to get a very distorted view. (No one posts the really shit, boring bits of their life, or very few...). This makes my teen think that she is getting a very raw deal and talking to other mothers of teens, they are all thinking the same. So what is to be done? Well first of all I know the teen is on her phone a lot, even her own friends say that, so that suggests compared to them she is a high user. So anything that I can do to reduce it, I will do, regardless of what the teen thinks her friends are up to. This includes:

• Not having her phone in her room as night (the biggest bone of contention) Why would you want it in there? You are asleep, I would NEVER have my phone in my room overnight, although apparently EVERYONE does
• Having some time away from it completely, as in in a different room
• And lastly having a complete tech ban during meals and when visiting the olds etc.

I don't this any of these are unusual or unreasonable, however, my teen disagrees.

The BBC, published the findings of a recent survey on this topic, another sign that I am not the only one struggling. There suggestions are:
The suggestions include:

• planning family activities that do not include technology
• creating a weekly schedule based on the idea of one hour of technology use equalling one hour on other activities
• recreating favourite childhood games
• parents turning off their devices at the same time as children have screen-free time

 Apart from the third one, which would go down like a lead balloon in my house, I already do the other three and it is still a daily battle.

It is one of the privileges of youth that you think that you know everything and the whole world revolves around you. We have all been through it and recognise it as part of growing up. It is not until you get into the real world that you see this isn't the case and that your Mum was right all along. So I have decided that my teen needs to get herself into the real world, get a job where she has to do what she says, when she says she it going to and see for herself that everyone is treated differently according to their attitude, skills and merits etc. And most importantly, where you will not be allowed to be on your phone.

Life isn't fair and you can never put yourself in another persons shoes, but it would still be good to find out what other Mums are doing with this issue?

Love
TYB x

Slowlearner

Well it's been an interesting few days. Mr Hairy and I were out on Saturday night with some friends and for the first time EVER, we thought we would trust the teenager and her brother on their own as we were local. Then the boy got himself invited to a sleepover and the teenager decided that she didn't want to be on her own, so we had to ship in a pal for her. All ended up OK and apart from the restaurant running out of Malbec, all was good.

I was out again last night, at a candle buying extraviganza, I didn't buy candles, but I did drink wine and eat mince pies, so a successful evening, until I got home that is.

Mr Hairy and the teenager were 'in discussion'. (I knew something was wrong when I came home to find them both in the same room...)

The teenager turns on me immediately, I am not ready, senses have been dulled by pastry and Shiraz. 'Why does the internet have to go off at 10pm?' (We have one of those Home Hub things that allows to you control the internet of different devices.)
"Well you go to bed a 10, so you don't need it on after that anyway."
"All my friends have internet on all the time."
"How do you know that?"
"Because they post and send messages and I can't see them til the morning."
"Well that is precisely why we turn it off at 10. We don't want you sending or responding to messages after then,"
"But all my friends do. I just want to be treated like my friends."
"Well everyone's circumstances are different. Perhaps they are not on the internet so much at other times. By 10 o'clock, you have had enough internet time."
Teenager, stomps off, slamming the door repeating the 'treated like my friends' statement.
I flick over to Live at the Apollo and enjoy Catherine Ryan. The Shiraz is doing it's job well.

At 10, I go up to the teenagers room, to find the teenager, lying in bed, face like thunder. My hair straighters, taken from my room earlier without permission, still sitting on her bedside cabinet. (The teenager is anal about people borrowing her stuff without asking...). "I asked you to return those to my room", I say. "Forgot", comes the reply. A single word loaded with so much hatred, it's impressive. I take the hair straighteners, her phone, wish her goodnight and go downstairs. My normal routine, is to plug her phone in for her, to charge overnight.

This morning I had to be up and out early for a doctors appointment to discuss menopause, coils and a weird skin thing on my side...FUN! I hear the teenager going downstairs before the dulcet tones ripple up the stairwell, "My phone's not been plugged in!"
"Really? Must have forgot."

I heard at a meeting today it takes 10,000 hours to be come expert at something. By my reckoning I have done over 122,000 hours of parenting.Why am I still so poor?

Who is the Tall Yellow Bird?

Excellent question, yes I am tall, no I am not yellow and yes I am a bird. A term that I think has been reclaimed by quirky, kooky women, hurrah! OK, here I am, blogging. I am not new to blogging, I have been doing it for my business for years, but I am new to this type of blogging. Writing about me...so why start now?

Well several reasons, firstly I have been reading other Mum's blogs and some of them are really rather good, (I wish they had been around when I had my kids...) but most seem to be for Mum's with young kids, and mine are not.

I am also at a turning point in my life and that, to be honest is the catalyst.

In short I have less than 6 months of my 40s left, 5 months and 19 days to be precise, (not that I am counting) and I have a lot to say about that....and other stuff that women of my age have to deal with.

The other stuff includes, but is not limited to...

•  a lovely (if slightly grumpy and increasingly hairy) husband
• 2 children, a teenage girl Charlotte and an 11 year old boy James
• a fluffy, mad dog called Murray (and yes, he was named after Andy, but not because we are die hard fans, because we bought him the day Andy Murray won Wimbledon)
• 2 businesses, one 10 years old and pretty successful, the other new and a completeshot in the dark.

Aside from that, I run, I play a bit of piano, I drink (wine, coffee and water, that is quite literally it) and generally try to be a good human being. I skid along from job to job, mini crisis to mini crisis just like everyone else, giving the appearance of someone in complete control when really, I am seriously winging it!

In short, I often feel like I have no idea what is going on and what I should do. My own children's life is so far removed from my own at the same age, I don't feel if offers me much, if any guidance. Am I fretting about stuff that I need not fret about or am I too casual about stuff I should be fetting about? I have no fucking idea.

Which leads me to my lovely friends, of which I have many. Firstly, my friends are a pretty diverse bunch. Many haven't reached my point in life yet and many have long forgotten it, others circumstances are quite different. The rest I think are as clueless as me (and I mean that with the utmost respect and affection). They say stuff and I think 'What!' I would be freaking!! and they look and me sometimes in exactly the same way. So what can we derive from that? Well, that we all have difference standards, based on our experiences, upbringing, morals and circumstances. What is right for one woman, is not necessarily right for another. So if I hope for anything from this blog, it is that we have the opportunity to share, comment and offer support/advice, in a non-judegmental way. Try to make some sense of the utter chaos that most of us deal with on a daily basis and have a bit of fun along the way.

Who's with me?
Sarah
The Tall Yellow Bird